Trump Making Firefighting Great Again

Danny Enright (1 minute read)

President Trump announced on his Truth Social platform that he is mandating all fire-fighting be privatized “...to unleash the power of the competitive marketplace onto the flames that are destroying America.”  

“America is home to the best quality health care in the world, with cutting edge technologies being invented all the time.  Why wouldn’t you want to unleash this power of innovation to help stop fires from burning all of your stuff?”  

When asked by reporters to elaborate on this new mandate, Trump responded “People come from all over the world for our health care.  Maybe they’ll do the same for our excellent private fire protection, I dunno.” 

When asked about the costs, Trump retorted “You’ll save a lot of money on your taxes!  If you want to have fire insurance, you can buy some, but you probably won’t have a fire so no need to worry… it’s like less than a quarter of a per cent, so think of the money you’ll save on your taxes!  It’ll bring them down by like 300%.  Besides, private innovation will probably mean we won't have fires in the future!” 

A reporter asked about the risk of fire coming from your neighbour’s uninsured property, Trump said “You probably should live in a different neighbourhood.  Sounds kinda sketchy to not have fire protection… if you ask me.”